Hey, it's Luca and welcome to the Luca Savazzi Podcast. Have you ever been to an event, a party, a wedding, a birthday or a work thing and not long after you arrived, you left early and not because you needed to, not because there was something better to go to, but because something inside you said, "Okay, that's enough. It's time to go." And then not long after you left, regret. Again, not because it wasn't a good party, not because the people were boring, but because somehow you just left. So, this happened to me more than once, and it happened to me again recently, and it made me realize something interesting. If this is happening to me, then it's probably also happening to a lot of people out there. So today, I want to share a tool I've been using and refining myself, especially when I go to places where I know that there will be moments of inner conflict and negotiation. It helps me be more present, more connected, and most importantly, more intentional about when I leave. But before we get into that, let me take you back. So, a few weeks ago, I was invited to a Christmas party by a company I worked with. It was the first time they organized it and the first time they invited people from the outside of the company like me. So it was one of those Christmas market style events and I was genuinely looking forward to it. I mean days before I was already thinking about it. What am I going to wear? Uh who is going to be there? What kind of vibe will it be? And on the day itself, I got dressed in full Christmas mode. I'm talking Christmas sweater, matching socks, little lights. I was ready to have some Christmas fun. And that day, I also left early because I didn't want to deal with the traffic stress or the parking stress. And on the way there, I even managed to get a ticket. €300. Wrong exit. Police right there. And I remember thinking, "Okay, this party better be worth it." And honestly, it was more than worth it. I mean, there were lights, music, a life singer, food everywhere, fake snow machines, games, all kinds of people. I liked fun conversations. Everything was fine. And then around 6, something familiar started to happen. I mean, there was nothing wrong. I was still having a lot of fun, but I felt that itch, you know, that quick look at your watch. And around 6:30, one of the guys in the group I was talking with, he announced that he was leaving. No explanation, just a simple question. Hey, everyone else leaving? And without giving it a second thought, almost out of reflex or habit, I could hear myself say, "Oh yeah, I'm leaving too." And just like that, not even two hours after arriving, after all the anticipation, after a 300 fine, I grabbed my coat, took my bag out of the locker, and walked towards the exit. And the moment I stepped outside, I knew I made a mistake. And I thought, why am I even leaving? I mean, there's nothing waiting for me at home. No plans, no urgency. I mean, the cats had enough food for the entire weekend, and they were probably having a party of their own. Nothing I needed to rush to. I had planned this entire evening. And as I walked toward my car, I looked back and I could still hear the music, the people talking, the laughter, and I actually thought, I could still go back. I mean, I wasn't in my car yet. I could turn around. And then my inner voice kicked in. No, because you have to put your stuff back in the locker. No, because you already said goodbye. If you go back, you'll have to explain yourself. It's just easier to go home. I mean, there's your car right there. And all of this was happening while I was still walking. And before I knew it, I was driving away. And on the way home, I got stuck in traffic. It took ages. And that same inner voice that told me I should leave now shows up and tells me, "Oh, maybe you should have stayed. Oh, why did you leave so early? What if you stayed a bit longer?" And there's a reason that regret shows up so strongly. Research shows that our brain doesn't like things that feel unfinished. And this is something that I recognize in myself. I go somewhere and while I'm there, my head is already somewhere else. And when I leave, my head is back to the place I just left. And here's the interesting part. This is not FOMO. I mean, I'm not afraid of missing out on something better because there was literally nothing better going on. It was something else. It's not being committed to presence. And if you're listening right now and you're nodding along, well, first of all, welcome. You're not weird. You're not the only one. This is something that happens to a lot of thoughtful people out there. And for me, it didn't start with research. It started with simply noticing this pattern in my own life. And later I realized that research explains exactly why we default to leaving. When our brain is overloaded, it doesn't look for the best options. It looks for the easiest one. And leaving for me is easy. So that's where the tool comes in. I call it the stay until rule. The stay until rule is exactly what it sounds like. Before you go somewhere, you decide in advance how long you're going to stay until. Not to force yourself, not to trap yourself, just a simple way to remove that constant internal negotiation with yourself. And deciding that time isn't random. It's not about staying as long as possible. It's about deciding what actually feels comfortable for you. So, I might ask myself things like, "Do I want to go to the gym tomorrow morning? If yes, then staying until 11 probably doesn't make sense." Or, "Is someone waiting for me at home? If yes, then maybe 7:30 feels right." So, you decide beforehand what works for your energy, your plans, and your life. So, let's take that Christmas party. If I used the stay until rule, I would have decided beforehand, maybe in the car, okay, I arrive at 5, I will stay until 8 because I already thought about not going to the gym the next day. And here's why it matters. Because once you make that decision, that commitment to yourself, you can stop checking your clock every five minutes. And at 6:30, leaving wouldn't even have been a question. I gave myself time. I gave myself calm, space, presence. But there's also a second part to this rule, and this is what makes it really powerful. You don't just decide how long you're going to stay. You also decide what you're going to say when the moment puts you to a test because it always does, right? Someone says, "I'm leaving. How about you? Do you need a ride?" That creates pressure and you might answer from habit or reflex. With the stay until rule, you already know your answer. You look at your clock. It's 6:30. It's not 8. So, you can safely say, "No, I'm staying a bit longer." Or, "It's still early." Or, "I promised myself I'd stay until 8 or I'm having a good time." You're not making a decision in the heat of the moment. You're acting from intention. So, by rehearsing your response in advance, you make it easier for your brain to respond from memory instead of being caught by surprise. That's the power of this rule. The stay until rule isn't about staying longer. It's about giving yourself permission to stay without negotiating with yourself. It removes the mental noise. It creates calm. It keeps you present. And if you reach the stay until time and you're still having a great time and you want to stay longer, that's great. But if you reach the stay until time and you decide to leave, now you know you're leaving by choice, not by impulse. You've completed the experience. You've closed the loop. And so regret won't follow you home. You're not wondering if you left too early because you showed up, you stayed, and you decided. And you can use this anywhere. At a party, at dinner, at an event, even in meetings. It also works with family visits or situations where you already know you're going to feel that pull and push between wanting to stay and wanting to leave at the same time. Without the stay until rule, you often choose to leave. With it, you give yourself a chance to stay. So, here's my invitation to you. Try it once. Look at your calendar. Pick an upcoming event where there's no fixed end time. something where leaving is entirely up to you. And then decide in advance how long you're going to stay. 1 hour, 2 hours, whatever feels right for you. And then think about your response. What will you say when you feel triggered to leave? And once you do leave on your way home, notice how did it feel to stay until what happened that wouldn't have happened if you left earlier. Was it a conversation, a connection, a moment you didn't expect? Or maybe you simply enjoyed being there a little more fully. I know I can't wait to use the stay until rule again soon. And if this resonates, I would love to hear from you. Also, if this episode make you think of someone you care about, a friend, your partner, a family member, take a few seconds and share this episode with them and tell them what made you think of them. Again, thank you for being here and choosing to spend time with me. I'm Luca and I look forward to seeing you in our next conversation.