Have you ever looked at your life and wondered  how did I end up here? And not because your life has fallen apart. Quite the opposite.  Maybe your calendar is full. People rely on you. You're working hard. You're showing up. And  from the outside everything looks fine and still it feels like something is missing. Hey, it's  Luca and welcome to The Luca Savazzi Podcast. One of the things that fascinates me most is  that we are always creating our lives. Not just through big decisions, but through the small  ones that we repeat every day. The habits that we never question, the roles we learn to play, the  stories we believe about ourselves. Sometimes we can get so caught up in living our lives that we  never really stop to ask whether we are creating it. intentionally. Because when we're always  moving, always doing, we leave ourselves very little space to notice what's really driving  our choices. And if we never stop to notice, we'll often keep creating the same life without  even realizing it. Not because we chose it, but because we never questioned it. If you ever  felt like you're constantly doing yet somehow you feel empty or if you ever struggle to slow down  or wondered why it's so difficult to just stop then this conversation is for you. Because just  imagine what becomes possible when you finally step off the autopilot and start creating  a life that you actually choose to create. My guest today is Jasmine Bailey. We got  together and talked about patterns that   keep people stuck and how to break free by  creating space to reconnect with yourself. Question the stories you've been living  by and intentionally create the life that feels more like your own. She's the author of  Finding a Space in Life and Healthy by Design. She has facilitated training for individuals and  organizations including the state of Michigan and Oakland University and today she's going to share  with us the lessons that transformed not only her life but the lives of many of the people she works  with. It's a pleasure to welcome Jasmine Bailey to the Luca Savati podcast. Hey Jasmine, welcome  to the show. Hey Luca, it's great to be here. Yeah, I'm so happy to have this conversation with  you because we've been talking about this for a while and I know that you are all about um taking  a pause, asking questions and so I'm curious because the person listening to this podcast is  a person who is always busy, has a lot of ideas, has different versions of himself that they want  to pursue. So they're doing a lot of stuff and sometimes you do this these things on autopilot  or you don't take uh a pause to just reflect and see okay what do I really want or maybe you're a  person who is looking back you know you're at the point in life where you look back and you think  how did I get here when did I make these choices what happened and I like how you said that too  Luca because you're right so many times we are so uh wired to just be on autopilot we don't even  think about and consider anything else but that wiring. So, we just keep going. We keep moving.  And that pause isn't something that we even consider. Why do you think that is? I'm excited  that you said that because I think it is because we're so accustomed just to moving on as normal  as opposed to to stopping. Cuz stopping can feel like, we talked about it before, it can feel very  daunting, death, like, oh my goodness, if I stop, people are going to think a certain way. You  know what I mean? What did life look like before you realized that stopping was something that  you needed to start doing? Honestly, it looked busy. It was full of a lot of I was doing a lot of  good things. Um, so it wasn't even horrible in the sense of it was I was busy. I was doing so many  things. I um going to school, going to work, um being an aunt. I'm not a wife or a child uh or I  don't have children, but oh my goodness, even with my nieces, I always wanted to and my nephews, I  wanted to be the best aunt. I wanted to make sure I was always showing up being that friend, being  that person, being that that one people can count on. Um, so so when people saw you, they would  think you were doing fine. I was doing I was doing perfectly fine. I was doing more than fine. I was  I was making sure everybody else was fine, too. So, I was the go-to person. You know what I mean?  So, like, yeah, I was good. I was good. Yeah. But how did it feel inside? Oh my goodness. Now, how  it felt inside was it felt empty. It felt Have you ever had a point like you're if you're hungry  and if you eat a lot of cake? That's what I'm going to Yes. Yes. I'm always hungry, but I don't  eat cake. But go on. Go on. But if you eat a lot of cake and while it's good, it's tasty. I like  chocolate cake, by the way. It's so delicious, but then at the end, if I just ate a full cake,  I still would be hungry. It fills me, but then I'm not satisfied. So that's why I would call the  emptiness. It's It's something there, but it's not something satisfying. What did that look like in  your life? That emptiness. Okay. I was serving in my church. I was helping friends. I was involved  in family interactions. I was doing um project work for business. That's when I started business.  I still was working but still doing business as I'm doing now. Um, and what it looked like was I  was often engaged in a lot of things. And in the engagement, it was like I had to engage more to  continue to feel that feeling of the feeling that I was doing something good, that I was being okay,  you know. Um, when I talked about being full, it was like a drug. That's what I would in the sense  of like I was fine as long as I was doing the thing. But then when I You needed the hit. Yeah. I  needed that dopam I need Okay. Okay. Because when I would feel myself slowing down or if I wasn't  doing something, it's like, oh, I can feel myself going down. I need to get I need to get another  hit. This is where do you come from? That's a good question. Honestly, it was just something that I  I learned that doing for other people equated my worth as a person. You know what I mean? Um  it's good to do for others. What is it? It's uh more blessed to give than to receive. There's  something that you can give to another person. And I think I just internalized the other person's  need over my own. So I gave so that I could be seen as value or value ad. And yeah, that I think  that's where it came from. Just that value ad for someone else because that started filling me to  make me feel valuable or feeling worthy. Worth and worthy. Yeah. What was needed for you to feel  worthy? Was that just the acknowledgement just to be seen or was there more? Oh, that's a good  question. I think because this is good, Luka, because when I'm connecting with other people and  helping them, I'm connected with them. So, I feel that social bond. I feel that, okay, at a girl,  okay, I see you. Um, it felt like a relationship. And I say felt like a relationship because if I'm  doing something and Luca, you're like, "Oh, yeah." And we're talking, we're communicating, we're, you  know, engaging. It feels like we have some type of um good connection or a relationship there and  relating to people. And that fills my that fills my bucket, a good relationship. I wanted to be  connected with people. What I didn't realize I was not connecting with people in the healthiest  way. like I in order to connect with people, I was just willing to connect with people any type  of way and not realizing it was a healthier way or a healthy way to connect with people. So, what I  just simply did was kind of like we talked about that hit, instead of me focusing on like healthy  nutrients and things of that nature, I was just willing to get anything that would fill that and  that fill that void or satiate that desire where instead of being um intentional about something  on a healthier path, it was just like, oh, this will work. Connecting with you will work.  Um saying yes to you will work. Doing this, saying this, being this, going there, having this,  um that'll all It kind of feels like you were um playing a role like put on this mask for this  person, the other mask for the other person. So,   you're playing all these different roles, but  you're not really living your own character. I was the people pleaser. That was my role. Exactly. If  you were happy, you're going to be happy. You're going to be happy. You're going to be happy.  I didn't have to show up as Jasmine because as long as I was the chameleon for someone else, that  part, it gave me a fix. It gave me a connection. But that's why when you asked that question  earlier, it left an emptiness that I didn't know how to even articulate. I didn't even know um how  to um satisfy that emptiness. You say emptiness, you said it a few times now. What are other words  for emptiness? Um I would say loneliness. Uh, I was around a lot of people, but to your point of  playing the role, I was playing a role, but people now didn't see Jasmine. So, that's lonely to be  around a lot of people, but I'm just showing up as my um my avatar self or my as my representative.  Another word that I think I would say for empty, I would use exhausted because there's um little to  give when the giving comes from a place of need as oppo opposed to um overflow. If Luca, you need to  go somewhere, I'm like, okay, I'm going to try to make it. I'm going to try to make it. That's I'm  exhausted actually, but I'm still going to try to push past and I'm still going to try to give out.  Yeah. I think that if you give from that place, you're almost never able to receive because first  of all, people don't know who to give to because you're playing a role. Yeah. And second of all,  you're not allowing yourself to receive because you're only focused on the outward. So you're  not open to receiving. That's true. So you never really fuel up. You never charge your battery  because you're always just running on fumes and exhausted. That's so true. And to your point,  honestly, people can't give because they don't even know that there's a need, you know, because  if I'm always giving, they're they're just at a I don't want to say assumption. It's just like,  oh, this person's okay. This person's okay. this person's okay. So, um there's not really space for  them to say, "Hey, do you need anything?" Because I'm always the one giving. I think sometimes we  think that is our role only to give. And if we were to receive from someone, we're not being in  the the proper role, so to speak. But there is a a law of giving, right? like you have to give and  somebody has to receive, but it doesn't mean that I have to always be the one giving. What are you  missing out on? Mhm. When you're not stopping to receive the gift that other people have to give.  If I were to say, "Hey, Luca, I want to have a conversation with you." And I'm just talking,  talking, talking, talking because I'm giving, giving, giving, giving. I have no clue of what  listening and hearing what you have to say, even asking a a different question or asking me  how did that make you feel? Like that's the gift of being in the receiving mode, you know? That's  me being able to say, "Hey, I didn't even consider that." Hm. It opens up more ideas for yourself,  more creativity. It allows different perspectives which leads to more creativity. Yeah. And we  don't always have to have the answer because even how you asked me the question, I thought  about it. I didn't have words to articulate it, but you were just able to say, "Hey, yeah, it  would it would be something that allows for more." in that dance and giving and receiving  it's very helpful. I think that is the um yeah that is the beauty of being able to receive. When  did you start seeing that it was just no longer sustainable for you to keep giving giving giving?  When did it stop being okay for you? I think for me it came to a point where as I was giving like  I talked about the emptiness or the exhaustion or just being or feeling drained I realized that that  started becoming more prevalent and it started speaking louder. When did this happen? It was  around 2016. And I was asking some questions and um one of my sisters she gave me a audio book  to consider. It's called emotional healthy spirituality. And the book in itself just started  answering some questions for me. And one of the art major arches in the book was that the way that  we grew up in our family of origin, it does impact how we do things. H and I just start recognizing  that, oh, I come from a a line of people who give and there's nothing wrong with giving, but how  do you learn to receive? And the gentleman, he just started talking about how he had to learn and  some of it was taking Sabbaths and really stopping um having to start asking difficult questions  to himself and like is this how I really want to show up in life? So just being able to hear  someone else go through their path and their journey of recognizing how I'm living right now is  how I know how to live. but it's not really how I want to be living and I need to find another way.  So for me listening to someone go through their journey that's where it started for me to start  on another path of asking different questions. What questions did you start asking? I started  asking is it possible to ask these questions because I didn't realize I needed even permission  to consider what what wasn't given by permission from other people. I think so many times I and  other people may feel this way too. I don't know if you feel this way where people encourage you  or you're they give you a path that a route that's ideal and not really ask and check in to see how  it resonates with you, how it fits for you. When I looked at the way that I was in relationships  with giving and and I don't want to say like I was never um I never had people who were giving back  to me. I I recognized my my path or the way that I moved forward a lot was just the giving mode. And  I just started asking like is there another way to have relationships? What would that look like?  And when I heard the the author Peter Scazero, he started he started asking those type  of questions and then I started asking, well, what type of relationships do I want? What  would it take to get those type of relationships? What does it look like to uh not give? And to  your point, what does it look like for it to be a reciprocal, mutually benefiting? Like  those were things that I hadn't considered before because prior to that time, if we're  in the same um like school, church, company, that's kind of how I forged my relationships.  I never really considered having some type of frame of reference or what I actually wanted  in a person, you know, as a friend too, not just romantically cuz I think that can be  the focus sometimes, but how how did I really want want to show up in relationships and what  did I want my relationships to look like? So, that just kind of sparked another conversation.  um in my head and then what was the next step for me? They have a book but a course attached to  it called Emotionally Healthy Relationships. And that's where I was just like, "Oh, I wonder  what happens if I do this." What did happen? Yeah. It started helping me ask better questions  personally. And the first thing that happened, I was going to ask my my sisters. I have four  sisters and my mom. Well, I did ask them. And the first thing that happened was when I asked  if they'd be interested, they all said no. I laugh about it now because actually  that was part of the process because that's where I started realizing it's okay  for other people to decide what they want. But then I realized that it's okay and actually  important for me to decide what I wanted. So how did that change you from that moment on? I won't  paint a picture where oh I listen to this course and after I listened to this course I was all  done. I went through the process of unlearning some things that I didn't know I needed to  unlearn. And then what I started learning, I realized that there were just certain  things I never knew were possible in relationships and different skills and  just when I I use the word overwhelm, it felt so overwhelming because it felt so very  new. What was the biggest thing you needed to unlearn? I think the biggest thing that I needed  to unlearn was that it was okay not to be okay. Scary stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm I'm saying  scary stuff because um like you know um I told you before I'm a perfectionist and I kind of love  the preparation and making sure that everything is you know well planned out and everything. Being  okay with not being okay or or just the messy part of it can be scary because you're just not  used to it. How do you start being okay with not being okay? Oh, Luca, you just you just helped me  realize something. If and when I was always just giving, I didn't have space in between to know  that I wasn't okay. So, when you say for people, how was that first thing? It's just recognizing  I had to recognize that I wasn't okay. So, that's when I was able to say, "Okay, what  do we do next?" Because prior to that, I wasn't recognizing that I wasn't okay. So, I was  just doing something else, keeping me in the same route that I was in anyway. And it's funny cuz it  makes me think of our previous conversation like full honesty, we are re-recording this because,  you know, we got to in a point in the previous recording where we both thought, okay, what are we  really trying to say? and um and we had to pause and and and take a a space there just to see okay  what do we really want to get out of it how do we want to proceed and the thing is I told you it  felt scary for me because not doing it right feels like failure and so I think when you say you need  to feel it you need to have the space in between create that space to ask the question and see what  happens you create this evidence evidence that shows you that it is okay to ask a question. That  makes complete sense because if not, if you would have kept going, if we both would have kept going  and we didn't create that space, I don't think the way that we are now having the communication would  have connected as clearly. And a lot of times, I know for me, I didn't know that I had the space  or the internal fortitude or like just knowing that I can do that. So, to your point, I would  just keep going and not being able to stop and recognize we don't get I didn't get the experience  that I could have had I stopped. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. If you don't disrupt the  pattern, you will always get what you what you've gotten done so far. And I think the way that you  allowed the stopping is what the next step can be. Once you feel it and you allow yourself to pause,  allowing yourself to stop in that pause and then determine what you want to do from there even  like you said if it's scary. So making it okay for it to be scary is very important because we  said this before too when you're um when you're a building is being or a house is being built or  there's a demolition going on everything isn't tidy and nice. So, like you said, like if you're  a perfectionist or if you are someone who needs to   have everything all together or let's be honest  with people of different personality styles who are just more of like, you know what, it'll all  come together and on both ends of the spectrum, there has to be some type of organization that  comes together. It just can't randomly happen by itself. So when we pause and figure out and decide  what we want to do, that's where I think it was a beautiful thing between you and I. It was, okay,  no, I need to be clear on where we're going. And I appreciated that you were able to acknowledge  there's no clarity here. And I think that's what we have to do with ourselves. We have to be okay  with that acknowledgement. And and you touched on connections and the right people. And I think  you can only do this if you are surrounded by the right people. And you can only surround yourself  by the right people if you drop the mask and stop pretending and be who you are and don't play  this role for all these different people because otherwise you won't be able to connect on that  level that you can actually stop and pause and ask questions. Agreed. That's so so true. And  that's what even talking about having healthier relationships where I realized I needed to because  if I didn't have those type of relationships, I would be in that same pattern of giving, giving,  and or keeping the mask and not being my true self, my authentic self. And how can I connect  really with other people if they don't know the real Jasmine? And likewise, like how can um people  connect with me if I'm not inquiring and making sure that they they're in a place where they can  show up themselves and they can be okay with that. Um and they don't have to put the mask there. So I  wanted honestly I wanted to create that for myself but I realize and recognize just like you're  saying it's a mutually beneficial thing that happens. It's not just one one side or the other  and that part of the process. It's a beauty that I didn't know existed until I started stepping into  the space like like I wouldn't have known you if I wouldn't have gotten into the community that we're  in with brand builders group. So I think that's what um that's what people can take away. I didn't  have to have all the answers, but being willing to stop and feel what I felt and then start asking  different questions and then being willing to go into a space that I didn't have to have all the  answers, but um a connected space with people who are still being inquisitive, inquiring that that  brings me and brought me to a different place that I would have not have gotten. A lot of us can grow  up in an environment where you kind of presented   with the people that you're supposed to grow up  with, never questioning if that friend that you've had for so long is still the right friend for you  or if you're in a good relationship or unhealthy one. Um, but what would you say to people who are  in these situations? Maybe they're managing work, um, family, friends, everything. they don't ever  took time to stop and to ask questions. And maybe they think they don't have questions. It's okay  not to know right now. It's just okay because when we sit at a place of just trying to figure it out,  that in of itself can get us in a loop. And I say for me because that's where I think a lot of the  place of being stuck came from because I was just trying to figure it out as opposed to just saying  you know what you don't know this. I know you read a lot of books. I read a lot of books too. And um  how was that for you? Because I started reading when I felt like I'm a bit stuck. I need some  help. I started reading self-help books which I love. But then I started reading more and more  just for the sake of reading and hoping to find the answer in the next book which wasn't there. So  I started the next one and reading more about it got me even more stuck. Got me even more realizing  that I needed to find a purpose. If I didn't have a purpose then I would be broken or I didn't  have it figured out. Yeah. So it got me in this loop of feeling inadequate and stuck. How did you  experience this? Just what you said, the endless loop. I had to have more. I had to have more. But  I realized I needed this. And I remember this. I I still like self-help books, but I don't read them  to fix Jasmine anymore. And that's where honestly I had to realize I felt like I was broken. That's  what was fueling me to read and do and to do all these things. So just realizing that I'm not  broken was where I needed to start like, oh no, you're okay. and not having that's why I said for  people just to understand and be at that space it it really helps to stop the loop because the loop  keeps being fed like you said oh because in a book you know this they recommend another book or  another book like so you keep going and it's like stopping that cycle you said it earlier it  feel like a failure and sometimes I know for me it felt like I should be doing something. Mhm.  So not and reading those books felt like doing something like that's progress like for your idea.  That's exactly it. Feels like progress. And what I realized Luca was that while I was doing something  and reading something I realized there was a place that I had to apply what I was reading. So  even going back to the healthy relationships, it started becoming for me, okay, I didn't have  to be in a romantic relationship in order to be kind to people who cut me off like at work.  And I started applying it in just all of life, not just okay, when I get here or when I want  to have this interview or I'm trying to do this. And I think that bringing it down to the the  lowerhanging fruit, so to speak, you know, like when I'm interacting with Luca, what we did today,  that's what started happening in my life. like oh no it doesn't have to be right and it doesn't have  to be perfect but the messiness of feeling what I felt internally hearing what you felt internally  and that's what it started helping happening with other people where it was just like instead of me  running away from a difficult conversation it's like okay let me lean in a little bit more knees  shaking hands quaking not knowing what but Not to your point just feeling like I have to be more  of a person that knows it all but more of okay lean into this moment and what does the moment  require Jasmine and that it's not you know it's not scripted so it's like I have to be present and  and it makes it a lot more fun like like you can play this role that is like visually absolutely  beautiful and it's flawless and everything, but I think the cool thing about having a good  relationship with a person or asking a question, being curious, not knowing what the outcome  is, that's what makes it more fun. Mhm. Mhm. It completely makes it more fun because if  we're scripted in everything that we do like the monotony of it like we know what's coming. We know  what's at the on the next side or we know what we should do. And that is one thing I had to I had to  unlearn my shoulds. Like you should be it should sound it should look. And I was like where is  that coming from Jasmine? And like you said, there is not the fun aspect or element when I'm just  always doing what I should do. And of course, a lot of people don't experience it as fun when you  don't know the answers. Mhm. And in most cases, you don't know the answers because this is why we  read those books. like I really was desperate for answers for at least some some clue. I did stop  and decide to go on this trip with a friend. And we didn't even know each other that well, but just  creating that space and allowing myself to clear   my agenda to say, you know, I'm not going to force  myself into finding answers here. It hasn't been working so far. So, let's try something different.  And the moment we were there, something changed. I got more openminded. I got new ideas. I got  more creative. That's when I, you know, got the idea for my book. Uh, which I think I never would  have gotten if I stayed in the same pattern and doing the same thing and forcing myself to find an  answer. Yeah. Yeah. That's profound. Um, because that really is how it it takes place. like the  unfolding comes when we give ourselves the space to stop. And it's funny um the first book that I  wrote was um it started in 2017. a mentor of mine, he uh was asking about my family and he was just  asking a lot of questions that Luca honestly I didn't have answers for because up until that  point again I was just accustomed to doing or just giving I wasn't in reflective or even critical  thinking when I say critical thinking of just like hey what do I think so he recommended that I  write a book and name it finding a space in life. Wow. Yes. Finding the space finding a space in  life. And the reason why he said it is that look at and find out more about your your family and  maybe that will answer some of the questions that you have. So to your point of being willing to be  in a space where someone else can pour into me, that created that for me. But at the same time,  I wasn't planning on writing the book either. So when you said it, I was like, I really wasn't  planning on writing a book. He suggested it and with his suggestion, I was willing to go down that  path. So I think that's what happens sometimes that we don't know. It's not that we have to  know what's going to happen on the other side. really be willing to be curious and yeah open  to just move in that direction and then you'll see something that you won't won't have before if  you would u give yourself the shot in the change right like what is your practice to create this  space it's funny that you keep saying the word stop because now I have in between the things that  I've done. So I create an acronym for it but it's because of the different practices. So for S is  silence and stillness every day at least. Um my I have moved it up now. Silence I start off with  silence in the day and then I end with silence in the day. And when I say silent it's just even  cutting off my phone. I don't jump on my phone at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day  that's not the last thing that comes up for me. Um but in that silence and that stillness just  asking or just looking over the day to see how I did at the end of the day and instead of even  in the morning thinking about what I need to do for the day. It's just really being still um and  allowing myself to have my thoughts as opposed to just letting my thoughts have me. I love it. I  love it. I I do the same thing in the morning. I have breakfast with my cats like after gym.  I do not touch my phone until after breakfast because it just gives you so much more um peace  without immediately going right into the news and everything that is happening. Just take some  time silence like you say for yourself. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. So what's the what does the T  stand for? The T stands for thankfulness. And off the heels of silence, what I start realizing  is that there's always something that I can be I can gain or I can I need or something. But I  start realizing for myself when I looked at what I could be thankful for. Um that allowed me to  see things from a different perspective. meaning I worked I this was recent I worked from home  prior to the the pandemic our company was acquired and the the role that I had it was not  the easiest and then I started realizing I'm like you're still working through a pandemic there are  people who and I'm not laughing at them but there are people who aren't able to work right now.  It's a pandemic going on and I I was thankful for the opportunity to continue and not even  b an eyelash. I wasn't even thinking about um being laid off because that wasn't uh  something that I needed to be concerned with. But even with that, I started looking at  things that I could be thankful for as opposed   to I mean there's a lot of things I  can complain about, believe you me. So, so what do you do? Do you like journal? How  are you thankful? What do you do? A lot of times, um, journaling for me is at the end of  the day. Uh, but honestly, I'mma call them thankful thoughts because it's more of catching  I'm going to try to say it in real time even for I'm thankful that we were able to do this  connection and that you were able to pivot. So, as opposed to seeing it as, oh my goodness, I  didn't do good. I didn't do right. like Luca thinks I'm you know just being thankful that  hey we get a chance to do it over. So like the thankful thought like it doesn't have to Yeah.  That thought. Mhm. Yeah. Because journaling can   sound daunting like you have to sit down and  do but these are the small things. I love it. Smaller things. Yes. Yes. Take us to the O.  The O. Okay. So it's being open to curiosity. So it's really the openness but being open to  be curious. So many times I have judged myself critically and harshly. So that closes all  possibility or all movement forward because the criticism and the judgment is there. But  when I realize I'm like what don't I know about this? What could I learn? what who could I ask  what what other possibility could there be? So, um when I was getting into brand builders, I  did I was open to being curious because I said, I wonder I wonder what it would look like if  I gave myself this opportunity. I wonder what I could learn and what it would look like on  the other side, you know, like so whatever that that part of us that wants to shut down and say,  "Oh, it'll never work or this is stupid or you'll never be able to." Just to say, "What if I were  able to do it? What would I be?" You know what I mean? So like just reframing that. Yeah. Love  it. So stop stands for silence, thankfulness, open to curiosity. Yes. And then there's the P.  This is the funny part because when people who are so focused on doing things, when I say this  one, it's just like it's prioritize. Let me guess. I messed it up. Go ahead. prioritize because  like it it moved to a place of okay now what will you do because prior to that Luca what I  used to do was just focus on what do you do but after I stopped and gave myself some silence be  thankful consider the uh the being open and being curious then it's like okay now let's put it in  a direction what will you do now and it just it gave a different meaning behind what I was doing  as opposed to just do something so that it can get done so that work can be accomplished or so  that you can look a certain way so that you'll feel a certain way like after doing those other  three pieces it's like okay what do what do you really want to do what do you really need to  do based on what's the truth that I I I'm I'm um I'm choosing to live by. So connecting with  the truth only came after those pieces for me. So yeah, what is now different for you that  wasn't possible before? Oh, you know what, Luca? Even without having the the answer tangibly  in hand, I now understand it just happened. Yeah. Well, two days ago, I now understand that  I get to create it. Stop has caused me to have a world that's open to me that would have  never been open to me because I I didn't see the opportunity or the possibility. So, I'll give you  an example, and I can't share all of it because some of is in the works. What I did was come  up with this idea of partnership with someone that I would have never considered even putting  together, but I was just like, it makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. And when I say it makes  a lot of sense, it was the courage to even think to do it. M and I think that part the current  role that I'm in with my day job you know how people ask what you do the threaded question  yes in my my role now I spoke with my manager we were having a conversation and I said you know  what I finally decided I can't explain to people what I do in a way that they may understand I  know what I'm doing and Luca when I say I'm so grateful for my role because it allows allows me  to do things and live my life in a way the only way I can explain it to you is that I'm walking  and living in a on a path and in a a world that I have different op options for myself and it's  legitimately mine to have you know what I mean like and with that being said I would not have  had it I remember coming into the role and I I made a decision and internally and I'd say  it externally too. I wanted to be in a in a in a place in an environment where that it was a  healthy and or a good organizational fit. I didn't know what it looked like. So stopping enough to  say when I looked at something it just didn't feel right or it didn't seem like it would be uh  something that I wanted to move into. It allowed me the space and the margin not to just take  something, not to just, oh, it sounds good. Oh, it pays well. I was able to make the decision from  a place of I know what I'm looking for. Jasmine, I know we can talk for another couple of hours,  but maybe we'll save that for a different episode. Sounds good. If you would speak directly  to the person listening who feels empty, who feels they are pleasing, who feels they're  wearing these masks, what would you want them to take away from this conversation? Yes. All right.  Precious person on the other side of this call, what I really want you to hear is that so many  times we equate who we are with what we do. What you do is only a fraction, like a mere  fraction of the greatness inside of you. What I want you to take away is that you are worth the  time, the space, the energy, and the resources to know your worth, your value, and how important  you are. I'm going to do a plug for Luca here. go only all of it but own it all for you and when  you do that for you and be that for you all the other things will come together. So, I want to  offer you the space to go on it all because once that happens for you, when I say the possibilities  are endless, and I'm going to be honest with you, sometimes we think those possibilities have  to be these grandiose things. It could be, you know what, I have Fridays off or I started  my business doing something that I wanted or I connect with my family and my friends from a deep  level. It's no longer a surface conversation. Um, it could be that you've loved what you look like  in the morning before your makeup like me and Luca joked around with. But I I just want to offer that  once you do the work for you, not to fix you, but to be you, you can go go own it all. I'm just plug  Luca there. Wow. Jasmine, where where can people find you, your stop framework, and all the other  work you've done? Like you also written a book. Where can people find more info about you? Yes. So  you can find me on Instagram. I'm at healthybdon online and then my website is hbdbook.com. I'm  actually coming up with a digital product and that's what I've been working with and working on  in brand builders group. I'll keep you posted on   that because we're in the process of that right  now. But the stop framework, I have created a video that if you go on the site, you can just  enter it into the um the the site and then you can put stop to an email and then you'll get that  video. Wow. And I'll make sure to put all the info in the show notes. Okay. And Jasmine, thank you  so much for this fun conversation. I really enjoy spending time with you. Same here. Thank you for  having me and thank you for reframing and allowing us to do this together. And to you listening, I  hope this conversation helped you notice something about yourself. And if it made you think of  someone you care about, share it with them. We all need people to help us notice what we can't always  see for ourselves. I'd love to hear what resonated with you. So, let me know in the comments  below. And if you'd like to stay connected,   don't forget to subscribe. I'm Luca and I look  forward to seeing you in our next conversation. Become who you know you can be. Take  control of what's yours and live with intention. You were made for it all.  Your life, your story, your next move.