Hey, it's Luca and welcome 

to the Luca Savazzi Podcast. I remember having a conversation that started out 

completely fine and then suddenly took a turn. Someone I worked with used a word 

that I feel pretty strongly about. And so, of course, I shared my opinion, but 

they didn't see it as a big deal and started saying I was being a little too sensitive and 

that I shouldn't get so worked up about it. And I wasn't worked up. I was just very clear 

that I didn't appreciate the use of that word. But telling me not to get worked up got me 

worked up. And I'm not proud of what happened. But just like that, the conversation was no 

longer a conversation. It was an argument. And it wasn't even related to what we 

needed to discuss in the first place. And then I kept thinking about it, 

replaying it over and over in my head, thinking of what I should have said instead or 

what I could have done. And it didn't stop there. It didn't just affect my day. It kept me 

awake at night. And so that doubled the fun. So today I want to talk about conversations that 

get stuck and how to get these conversations to move forward again. Because when conversations 

get stuck, it's usually not about the content. It's almost always about the process of that 

conversation. But if we stay on content level, when we try to win to prove a point or to be 

right and we don't step out of the content and into the process, that's where a conversation gets 

stuck. And it can look like raising our voices, interrupting, shutting down, showing nonverbal 

cues like rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or you know, building up to that point where we 

just grab our stuff, slam the door, and walk away. And the interesting part is emotion always 

overrides information. Imagine feeling tense, being all worked up, having strong feelings about 

something, and then someone starts reasoning with you, giving you logic, giving you answers, telling 

you what you should do or should feel instead. I don't know about you, but that's a recipe for 

disaster because it gets me worked up even more. In that moment, we don't need more instructions. 

We don't need more reasoning. We need a pause. We need to feel safe. Safe enough 

to be heard. We need space to reset. But how do you do that? The four 

steps I'm going to share with you are a structured way of leading conversations with 

more presence, ownership, connection, and courage. They help you become more aware of what's actually 

happening so that you can start moving again. It's a framework that I created because I 

needed it myself and of course it helped me in a lot of life and word conversations. The 

four steps spell the words on it. Observe, notice, invite, and turn. It sounds simple, 

but it's not always easy. So, how does it work? Imagine a conversation. Maybe it's you and your 

partner and you're bickering over something small that suddenly feels big. So, the first step is 

to observe, which means zooming out as if you are looking at the conversation as a play, as the 

audience, as the director sitting in his chair. What's actually happening in the room? 

You can see the both of you sitting there. You see your partner. You see the tension 

building. Maybe you're leaning forward. You're getting sharp. Maybe your partner is shutting 

down and the room suddenly feels tight, heavy. All of that is observation. When you take 

that external view, you automatically step out of the content. You step out of who's 

right and into what's actually happening. So the second step is notice what's actually 

happening inside you and between you two. What emotion are you feeling? Is your 

heart pounding? Are you shrinking? Do you feel attacked? Are you attacking? What's 

the effect this is having on your interaction? Are you interrupting each other? Are you 

tearing up? not listening, defending. Observing and noticing is about naming 

the facts and avoiding assumptions. We need to be present enough to pick up 

these cues and turn them into language. And if it's a conversation you're planning 

to have in the future, these two steps alone, observe and notice, can help you prepare in 

advance. What did you observe and notice in your last conversation? And how can you stay 

present to those cues when they happen again? Which brings us to the third step, invite. This is 

where you share what you've observed and noticed, add your intention, and invite the 

other to share their perspective. In a conversation with a person you love 

and care about, it might sound like this. This conversation is starting to feel like 

a fight. My heart is pounding right now and I'm feeling upset that we're talking to each 

other like this. I love you and my intention is not to be right or wrong. I want to find a 

solution together. How are you experiencing this? Notice what it does. You're not accusing. You're 

not blaming. You're simply naming the process and the feelings. Imagine a conversation at work. 

In a meeting, you might say something like this. Let me pause for a second. It looks like we are 

stuck in the loop. We've had this conversation two times before, and I'm starting to feel 

frustrated that we're not making progress. My intention is to find a solution that 

works for the both of us and keeps us moving. and I'm trying to understand what's 

actually happening. What's your take on this? You're inviting the other person 

to step out of the content and into the process of the conversation 

in a way that feels natural and respectful. This also allows the other person to share their 

perspective and intention. And once you both shared your intentions and perspectives, you move 

into the last step. Let me quickly interrupt. I created the audit reset that you can download for 

free using the link in the description below. It contains a pocket version of the four audit steps 

and the audit checklist that you can use whenever a conversation starts to feel stuck. That said, 

let's move on to the final step, which is turn. And it might sound like this. How can we turn 

this into something that helps us move forward? Or what do you think if we park this conversation so 

we both have time to reflect? Or invite the other person to take a turn with something like, "Do you 

have any suggestions on how we can move forward?" On it shifts the focus from the what to the how. 

And once you both agree on how you want to move, you can go back into what you're trying to achieve 

with more clarity. That's on it. Observe, notice, invite, and turn. And here's the cool thing. You 

can also use it on yourself. Are you someone who wants to speak up more in a meeting? Observe 

what's actually happening in meetings. Notice what's happening inside you. Invite yourself with 

intention and then turn it into one small action. On it can help you prepare conversations ahead 

of time, intervene while they're happening in real time or reflect on them afterwards. It's 

for presence so that you're not reacting, you're responding. And on it isn't just steps. 

It's a state. It's something that you carry into the room anytime simply by saying, "I'm 

on it." Before a difficult conversation, I'm on it before a meeting. I'm on it before a moment 

that matters. I'm on it. And that simple sentence activates the observer in you. Use it as a 

reminder that you're not going to react from impulse, but responding from intention and to 

always be on it. four steps, but it only takes one person to be on it and to help a conversation 

move forward. That's it for today's conversation. If you have a conversation coming up or you had 

one and you were on it, I'd love to hear from you. Just drop a comment below. I read every message. 

And if you know someone who might need this, share it with them. I'm Luca and I look 

forward to seeing you in our next conversation.